Uneasy Spirit

If you haven't guessed by the title of this blog yet, my spirit has been uneasy lately. My uneasy feelings could be the to do list at work ramping up, the continued division our country faces, the ongoing factors of growing up, or change happening all around.


To be honest, I planned to write on something entirely different this week. Every day for the last week and half I've gone home, opened my laptop and just stared at my screen. Finding my voice through writing has never been so difficult than this week. Sure, there have been seasons since my blogging days that I didn't "have the words" but the difference is I didn't try in those seasons. During those dark difficult days, I was running so far in the wrong direction that sharing Jesus through words didn't even cross my mind.


I went home from work the other day and just cried to Taylor. I word vomited for about 20 minutes with all my feelings, thoughts, fears, and frustrations. I shared stories of heartache I've seen my peers experience, stories of unrest and division within our country, stories of frustration I'm personally experiencing at the moment. As I let the tears roll down my face, I began to realize: My hope should not be in myself, this world, or my peers. My hope should solely lie in Jesus.


I like to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, wanting to solve everyone's problems, wanting everything to turn out just right. But here's the problem: I do not have the power or ability to do so. Nor do I truly know what's best in any and all situations. Here's what I do have the power to do: trust Jesus and love others as myself.


In this realization, I can't say that I automatically felt better, but I did recall scripture that says be transformed by the renewing of your mind and take heart, He has overcome the world. (Romans 12:2, John 16:33). These verses don't mean everything will be perfect or go my way (Read the first part of John 16:33). But it does mean that if I pursue Him daily and remember how the story ends, I can walk in freedom. Okay, this is a very loose interpretation, but you get the gist.


Here's the bottom line: nothing will be perfect on earth. There will be continued brokenness, division, hurt, pain. But Jesus can - and does - reconcile. At the end of the day, we know there is victory in His name. And that should give us hope.


No matter how worked up I get over my struggles or the struggles of other people, I need to realize that there is distraction when I dwell on such things. One of satan's biggest ploys is getting us to focus on things of this world, things that are broken, things that seem unredeemable. The enemy grabs our attention by shifting our eyes on things that matter most to us, pushing us to pursue control, stepping into a cycle that often doesn't include Jesus. Don't give him that power.


Whatever is causing you unrest in this season: COVID, the election cycle, division, change, or the unknown: remember that this is only temporary. Remember that you aren't alone. Remember that even on the tough days, when we feel most separated from Christ - that He will be there every time.


Come to Him all who are weary, and He will give you rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)